If you've ever been born, eaten, breathed, slept, metabolized, gone to school, relaxed, conducted any sort of business in any country, laughed, cried, relieved yourself in any way, or died, chances are you used a Globocrud product while you did.

Globocrud's diversified approach to business ensures that money flows effortlessly from one of our pockets to another. Our manufacturing processes leverage the latest in bzots technology, fine-tuned to perfection, reducing our reliance on human labor worldwide to less than 5% of our workforce. Speaking of our bzots, if you happen to see any of them running around, please drop us an email. Thank you.

Globocrud LLC is faithfully helmed by the Exalted Sir Cleve Crud, Ph.D, Esq., CEO, Globocrud LLC. The company was founded in 1853 as Dr. Crudde's Cucumber Paperweights in Brixlinghamshire-by-the-Bay, England, by Dr. Sir Stephen Crudde, a mason and cucumber farmer. Dr. Sir Stephen's expertise in farming and brickmaking yielded the first cucumber made of British mud. This fantastic device was used as a paperweight by families across the British Colonies, and sold in the hundreds of thousands, making Dr. Sir Stephen Crudde and his newly formed company quite a bit of money.

The company quickly expanded into auxiliary markets, adding books about cucumbers and mud to its product line. Later came a line of cucumber extracts and make-it-yourself brick kits. The company later changed its name to BritiCrudde to reflect its synergistic marketing and media practices. Dr. Sir Stephen Crudde ran the organization until his untimely death in 1953.

While Dr. Sir Stephen Crudde was a genius in biology and masonry, business was certainly not his strong suit. Due to his lax record keeping, it was unclear who was next in line to succeed Dr. Sir Stephen and inherit the company and its fortunes. While the rest of the family members fought amonsgst themselves in the courts, a young Cleve Crud, Esq., an American lawyer and twice removed third cousin on Dr. Sir Stephen's mother's side, filed various legal papers that enabled him to seize control of the company.

Moving the company to Phantburg, USA, Cleve Crud, Esq. successfully ran the farming, publishing, masonry and paperweight businesses. He renamed the company "BritiAmeriCrudBrickCucumberPaperweights.com" and took the company public in the American public markets in 1994, amassing over 400 gajillion dollars in wealth. In a move considered by many to be prescient, Cleve Crud, Esq. used his personal fortune to permanently secure his role at the helm by buying the company back, changing the name to Globocrud LLC, and earning his Ph.D in Business Administration at an ivy league school.

As dozens of companies went bankrupt in the dot com fallout, Cleve Crud, Ph.D, Esq., CEO, Globocrud LLC, used his company's good fortune to acquire the assets of faltering companies in dozens of industries, including aerospace, footwear and heating and air conditioning. Using the knowledge he gained while pursuing his Ph.D in Business, Cleve Crud, Ph.D, Esq., CEO, Globocrud LLC completely reworked these companies for maximum synergy and efficiency by firing 95% of his human workers, replacing them with high-tech Bzots, and by connecting all the Bzots and human workers into a worldwide computer network.

All Globocrud products also contain a SuperDuperTrackerChip that ties into Globocrud's vast computer network. The SuperDuperTrackerChip allows Globocrud to monitor the condition of each and every product made byGlobocrud, no matter where it is in the world. Whether it's a bike or a banana, if it's made by Globocrud, Exalted Sir Cleve Crud, Ph.D, Esq., CEO, Globocrud LLC can find exactly where the product is anywhere in the world, and find out what it's doing. If it's broken, Globocrud can fix it instantly. If foods have been tampered with, Globocrud can locate them on every store shelf and instantly recall them. The SuperDuperTrackerChip provides Globocrud's customers with safety and peace of mind.

Cleve Crud, Ph.D, Esq., CEO, Globocrud LLC's technical advances earned him his knighthood. Now referred to as Sir Cleve Crud, Ph.D, Esq., CEO, Globocrud LLC, he added "The Exalted" because it more properly reflects the respect he deserves.

Thank you for learning more about Globocrud and our history. And if you find one of those Brick Cucumber Paperweights on Ebay, be sure to hang onto it! It's a collector's item!